ബോണ്‍സായ്

തായ വേരിന്റെ കടക്കൽ കത്തി വെച്ചപ്പോൾ ഞാനായി ബോണ്‍സായ്,
സ്പടിക മേശമേൽ  ചെറിയ ചട്ടിയിൽ
എന്റെ കുഞ്ഞിലകൾ  വിരിയും ചില്ലയിൽ ,കൂട്  കൂട്ടാൻ വരാറില്ല
ഓമൽ കിളികൾ,
എന്റെ നിനവിൽ പോലും ഇല്ല; കിളി കൊഞ്ചലുകൾ
വര്ഷവും ഹേമന്തവും ശിശിരവും ഇല്ലാതെ എത്ര വർഷങ്ങൾ കഴിഞ്ഞു പോയിരികാം,
ഇനിയും വരാത്ത  വസന്തവും കാത്തിരിപ്പു ഞാൻ
സ്ത്ബ്ദയായി തപ്തയായി ഈ ഏകാന്തതയിൽ മൂകം.
ജനാല്ക്കപ്പുറം  ഉദയാസ്തമനങ്ങളുടെ പുലരികൾ സന്ധ്യകൾ പോയി 

വരുന്നുണ്ടാകാം,
വര്ധിത വീര്യത്താ ൽ പടര്തിയ വേരുകൾ  ചട്ടിതൻ  അടി തട്ടിൽ തട്ടി നിന്നു പോയി.
ഊർവരമായരോർമമപോൽ ഇന്നെനിക്കു ജലമർമ്മരങ്ങൾ


 

Winter musings

The foggy morning  and  the cool breeze which storked my hair reminded me this is winter.
It is after 5 years i am  back in kerala  and again after 14 years back in cochin the place where i spend my school days .
The climate made me peep into the past where we had christmas celebrations in school and holidays after that .
I like Christmas holidays because it reminded me of different types of cakes,carols ,lights stars etc etc .... .I havent gone for any late night service in church nor did i know much about christmas.
My friends (remy, tutu ) the daughters of our house owner they will go for late night service .
The elders of their  house make crib and trees were decorated with lights . we as children will be watching everything and will help them in making the decorations most beautiful.

A thing of  beauty is joy forever .
We used to get cakes as gifts on christmas day
It was actually the festival of sharing love and happiness.
I loved Jesus for christmas .
 Jesus was  a friend more than a god for me.
I liked his face which is full of  peace and calmness.
The stories of forgiveness, love, compassion made me more close to him .
Thanks to nuns of our school.
They taught us beautiful christmas carol songs.

Every relegion preached the oneness of god and universal brotherhood of mankind.

missing those good old childhood days.

ode to "odd" years of my life!

It seems odd for you,
The odd years of my life
Time went meandering like a river.
My mind wandering in a fear,
My thoughts trembling in a quiver,
I heard the voice of my clairvoyance
There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

I wondered what life hath in store for me
Bewildered by pleasant surprises
Will I rejoice n cheer?
Or delivered a package for wrong address
For it happens many a times.
Trembled and crumbled by the shock.
I am afraid today to laugh.

hope keeps me going .

ഭയം

 അറിയാ വഴികളിലുടെ ഈ  യാത്രയില്‍

നിഴലുകള്‍ പിന്‍പറ്റി ഞാന്‍   ‍അലഞ്ഞിടവേ

വെളിച്ചം  വരുമെന്ന്‌ അറിയാതെ ഉഴലുമ്പോള്‍

ഭയം എന്നെ പൊതിയുന്നു

നേര്‍ത്ത വെളിച്ചത്തില്‍  തെളിയുന്ന നിഴലുകള്‍    

 അവ എന്നെ ഭയഭീതയാക്കുന്നു

കൂടെ നടന്നെന്റെ  കൈയും പിടിച്ചൊരാള്‍

വെള്ളി വെളിച്ചത്തില്‍ ഞാന്‍ അണയുംവരെ

real "self"

The whole idea was to express "yourself". the real "self".
but is this serving the purpose?
i dont know.

years passed and it did had an impact on me.
changes and refinement happened to the innerself with exposure.

some may call it "persona", yes it underwent various transformations and today i stand somewhere where i couldnt relate it to the one which i felt as mine some five years back.Individuals grow mentally too!.

my world has grown bigger not just bcos of the roles played but because of the exposure i got.

but this changes havent led to feeling that i miss the real me.

It helped me a lot in realizing the real me ,my needs, apprehensions...
it changed my perspectives.
i am happy with the real me.

and today i realize that i dont want to loose me.
i dont want a going back.

First one

After much deliberations and lot of "yes" and "no" finally i made up my mind to publish my first post,
hoping it will give me some sort of happiness.

Am i desperate to tell some thing.
 i dont know..............
there were several thoughts coming up in my mind.

it was my habit to jot down my thoughts in paper, a habit which i lost long back.
 i thought like it is too childish to make it public.

It was like a silent prayer for me
or may be process of self analysis and refinement and decision making ....when there were lot of indecisions and lot of uncertainties around me...... when i was resisting everything to pave my own special way in life......
 and life was too hard...

.

some times i too feel it is ridiculous to think that way.

 earlier it was with pessimistic thoughts  that i approached life.

 now it is swimming downstream with optimism but traces of pessimism is still left which make me think.